I AM NOW
I AM OLD MAN
Bus in 20 minutes, still deciding on leather jacket or not, I haven’t cosplayed Cronus in a while, and I’ve never done human!Cronus so [vibrates]
I really wanna take it but I don’t want to die of heat
Someone who lives up the road from me was found dead earlier, there’s police, no one knows whats happened, I only just found out from my Mum.
We knew her.
I’m not made of nice things. I’m not made of star dust and happiness, tea and cat fur, the clouds and the air after rain.
I’m made of regret, anxiety and self-loathing.
I’m made up of a shitty childhood, a teenage-hood filled with regrets, unsaid emotions, things i’ve forgotten, things i want to forget, lost friends, disgusting pain, and the self loathing only goes on from here. I have no self esteem, I’m a drain on all around me, I’m surprised I even get out of bed in the morning.
I’m anxious, paranoid, tired, weak, whiny, a drain on those around me, a burden to my family. I struggle in art, the only thing I can do. The only thing worthwhile I can produce, and I can’t even do that right or adequately.
I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep tonight.
i’m so so so tired but i know im not gonna sleep tonight and my face hurts and my hand hurts and i regret everything
My Mum called my ex “abusive” outright today and tbh as time goes on I’m more and more incline to agree w/ her.
She remembers him doing a lot of things to me that I don’t remember, but then again I have memory issues. Maybe at the time, I didn’t see them as abusive/problematic, but she did.
I dwell on this, a lot.
today’s drawing practise: heads, faces, heads faces heads faces heads faces human heads n faces
i got woken up obscenely early and i’m still so tired from it even though it was over 12 hours ago or smth
i’m gonna run out of all my sketchbooks at this rate
Tempted to go take a nap or go back sleep all together I just feel so tired today, got woken up way earlier than normal by some dude outside trimming hedges. sobs. i wanted to draw today, i’m never gonna get a day this summer where i have a decent nights sleep = =